Lightmind Extract 063
Now I understand why Elias likes the ego, and tries to find a way to deliver the ego from out of the solipsistic circle, and let it become the child of God, or the sprout that grows into God, or something like that. I understand why you like that also. I would love it if I could see things that way, but I cannot. Why? Because the only enterprise is dependent on a core solipsism, and I don’t see any way around that. The buck stops here, in other words, and unless I know myself, the rest means nothing. So this solipsistic circle begins and ends with me. This is another way of saying that we are narcissus. The world revolves around us, but what is at the center?
OK, I get to say something here, because you have characterized my views.
First off, I don’t “like” the ego. Nor do I “dislike” it. In fact, my attitude is still open as to what it really is and why it exists at all. I’m still in the mode of studying the thing, and mostly detached from the findings, one way or another.
For another, I don’t have a need, at this point, for a belief system about reality, realization, duality, non-duality, etc. I operate without beliefs, for the most part, and just let life show itself to me, in whatever way it can.
That might seems strange, but I got tired of adhering to belief, quite awhile back. I became more of an existentialist. If reality were to reveal itself as a great enveloping horror, then let it be.
But of course when you let reality be itself (instead of trying to manipulate it with the ego or with the ego’s beliefs), it reveals itself to be wholely benign — even ecstatically so.
Get a few tastes of that and you quickly lose your concerns about the ego, as well as all this ponderous chest-beating of “solipsistic” philosophy. You fall out of the word-mind entirely, and, on occasion, even become unable to communicate what you know beyond a few stuttering remarks.
In the old days I was very high on the intellect. It was, as Jung would say, my “specialization”. But then, under the influence of the Spirit, I learned how the intellect sort of beats-up on the rest of the body-mind-being…and actually is instrumental in holding the being apart from the very delights of the Spirit that the intellect honors with its wordy considerations!
Talk about the ego — the intellect is the ego in action, par excellence. Really, it is the intellect that needs meditation and discipline…and surrender. And yet there are these “non-dual” philosophers, who darken the horizon with their ponderous speeches, draining life of the enjoyment which is inherent to being itself. These advaitins, with their weighty thoughts, are the enemy of the very thing they have enshrined in self-important abstractions!
(I don’t get that from reading Ramana, by the way. I feel light breaking through virtually everything he says. If he is an “advaitin”, he’s the best, because he is living what the philosophers only believe and hope to be true.)
Now, is the ego “the child that grows into God”? Not without self-knowledge, self-inspection, and deconstruction of the mind, that’s for sure. And this too is where I leave the realm of beliefs. Because the mind is a very real thing, experientially. It holds the raw data of our experience. It includes the psyche (conscious, unconscious, superconscious…or subconscious). It includes all the emotions that are riling the world at any given moment. It includes all the experience of all who have gone before us. And, not the least, it is something that doesn’t just go away when you wish it to, or when you recite various advaitin mantras.
The mind is “the elephant in the room”, and God, or the Self, or Buddha Nature, is the Reality that draws us into taking apart the mind.
Just that taking apart — that “involution” — is a step toward detachment. You might call it the birth of the witness consciousness. And while we might think that inspecting the mind is all about noticing and defusing the complexes that have ruled (and sometimes ruined) our lives, it is actually a way of awakening to the greater Self.
You sift these impressions, these sanskaras, these karmas…and you find their insubstantiality, their illusive nature which has been dependent on you to keep them in existence. What’s coming in then, from behind you, is the Truth. …It’s a Light that lights up your eye — clarifies your seeing.
To me, this is where you find “non-dual reality” — in the illumination from within. The already existing Truth — which is not dependent upon your intellect in any way — starts to leak through the cracks in the walls. If enough of it gets in, the walls give way entirely.
Yeah, that’s “the destruction of the ego” — if by ego we mean the intellect with its ponderous ideas, beliefs…and pride.
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