“Thank you God” (iv)

27Nov09

All of the “shortcuts” that I mentioned above most certainly possess their own merits—- I’m sure that most anyone who happens to read this can claim to feel some amount of value garnered through using one or more of those techniques. However, what more fundamental path is there other than acceptance and surrender to God’s will? What is more of a shortcut to breaking down the ego’s sense of self-importance and righteousness and self-serving-ness?

Without a basic sense of surrender to how things are, any spiritual longings will become sidetracked by one’s own egoic ambitions—- by misguided, fruitless, and ultimately frustrating attempts to be in control and to realize one’s poisonous perfectionistic ambitions. The stage then becomes set for one’s internal fascist to leap in. Overearnestness, grimness, and humorlessness set in and corrode our approaches to life and our relationship to ourselves and those around us.

In the past few months, there have been situations in my life which have confounded me to a degree that it seems at times that events are simply conspiring to fuck with my mind, big-time. I have felt here and again that I have no real alternatives other than to surrender. At times I need to surrender everything that I associate with my spiritual longings. Everything…and this seems threatening, and frustrating and painful.

At times I need to give up hope of things ever working out according to my vision of how they might be. In doing so, the entire dynamic of my mind’s operative ambitions and frustrations begin to cave in, almost all at once. The result is that my shoulders begin to release from their task of holding up the world, of holding up the infrastructure of all of my personal projects. The life-or-death seriousness of my desires and ambitions are revealed in all of their foolish anti-glory. Again I see that in no way is the world about the small me, as much as I operate from the mistaken conviction at times that I exist in some way apart from the world.

Without an approach of surrender and letting go of everything associated with the ever-so-important-seeming “me” and my desires, my mind becomes wound up ever tighter, contracted and constricted around a sad little domain which leaves scant room for surprise, for humor, for grace. My approach to life becomes greedy, mechanistic, controlling. There isn’t really any light-hearted, humorous way of grasping at things. It is certainly funny, though…

“…being a loser most of the time is part of life…”

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