Thoughts from the blessed roseate morning

19Jan14

The woman on the train who prompted me to feel deep feeling of loving acceptance towards others and myself. Incredibly wonderful gift. All the pressure off, just heart, just the Truth of the heart, and relaxing into that… Seeing myself and others with such light:  everyone is completely fine as they are in the moment; do not strive to look for reasons not to be loved.

I almost wanted to grab her and tell her that, that she was perfectly fine as she was in the moment, that she is loved so greatly. I went home and relaxed and felt so good, because I felt so accepted by my own self, in a way I’ve scarcely done before. I am always completely fine as I am in any given moment; thinking any other way is simply uncharitable nonsense that bespeaks of some other issues clouding the moment. Loveless messages osmosed from others or some such.

The shakiness of the ego- no wonder we are so insecure… we are always trying to find some way of achieving stability or security, just in the very basic sense of our identities! But it never works, and always comes across as a more or less desperate clutching, because we are indulging in and perpetuating confused, and in fact mistaken identity. Upon relaxing into the Self, all of this superfluous drama stops of its own accord. It turns out that there was never any need for all of the clumsy attempts to bolster our sense of “me”, for all of the attempts to project and to stage an acceptable rendition of the self. All that is needed is to relax; to give up such efforts and to come home.

The other evening I was out running errands and in the midst of doing so, I could really see how people were not who they appeared as, and clutching to, during that given moment when I happened to see them, but that they are constantly moving through the stream of life…. birth, childhood, adolescence, adulthood, middle age, old age, death, etc. Everything is moving, through that dance… how can one not have compassion then?

And I was also able to see better that everyone is the Self. Everyone is Shirdi Sai Baba. Everyone is God, but somehow clumsily attempting to hide that fact through their sufferings and so forth. The clothing, the skin, the makeup, the faces, the pretensions; all of that is so obviously not them. Which is why no one ever seems truly at ease or at home or relaxed, but instead are engaged in attempting to put on an attractive or impressive or marketable or seductive face before the rest of the world.

The disreputable-looking fellow in the pizza place is the Self. The twentysomething-aged woman staring at her phone is the Self. Everyone I see is the Self. What response to have, other than to Love them. I am already at home. There is only the Self. There is only “I am”, all the same as my own felt sense. There are only I’s — there are no actual “you”‘s or “they”‘s. Only I.

I dreamt the other night of an old friend that I went to school with from kindergarten to graduation. I haven’t seen him since I was seventeen years old. In the dream, as we were parting company I exhorted him to hug me. He was reluctant or shy to at first, but then did, and we embraced for almost a minute straight. It was a nice feeling — it felt like a very close bond that we were sharing, I could feel the old years of our friendship being recapitulated and celebrated in this sequence of moments, like a celebratory “life review” that’s said to take place during a near-death experience, except that this was a life of a friendship review taking place in dream space. I could feel his gratitude streaming into me, his gratitude for the affection and encouragement that I was sharing with him. The feeling of warmth and connection after years of separation was quite wonderful.

The narrative of the dream was also noteworthy because when I was growing up I always envied him as someone who was very popular and confident-seeming, someone who was somewhat magnetic, and never seemed to have much problem attracting admirers. I remember him telling me once in the seventh grade that I “just needed to have more confidence”. I actually looked him up on Facebook a few years back, and I was surprised to see that he had his own architectural design firm (when I last saw him I had the impression that he was somewhat adrift —  invested in drugs and heading off to the military..) In the dream, though, he had seemingly recently been somewhat bruised by life. He told me that he had been let go from his job. He seemed somewhat forlorn and discouraged. Consequently I felt glad that I was able to help him by means of taking the risk of showing him affection in a very deliberate manner.

We both can and  must take the risk of loving without there being even any hint of confirmatory return or requitedness on the horizon. We can and must do this because Love is the most important thing. Love brings Eternity, the Truth, God, into these ephemeral passing moments that we seem to be in and that we identify with.

Part of what I interpreted from this dream is that, love which I can give, although I may not realize it, is in fact needed even by those who seem so confident, who seem so successful, who seem so invulnerable, etc. Everyone wants love, more than anything else, precisely because it is who we are but too often in this world estranged from… exiled from, even.

I can, on a daily, on a moment-to-moment basis, give love to others… and it will make an unbelievable difference in their lives. No matter how airtight someone’s ego defenses may seem, no matter how seamless the invulnerability they may project, no matter how insistently they posture that they are in fact self-contained, and perfectly glorious in all of their separativeness, they need love, and I have gifts that may help them, and they me.

There is nothing more wonderful than God. His Love and faithfulness and fathomless compassion are so outrageously wonderful. We are stopped speechless in the face of it. God gives us everything.

Something that blocks love – not recognizing that others are the Self.  Others are God, but presently disguised. Honor and serve God by honoring and loving others. Honor and serve God by loving and cherishing yourself. The way that God does you. The way that God does the apparent others. God is only Love, is only encouragement, without limit, without condition. God is never doubt; only encouragement. You can always have certainty and faith in the eternal Truths of Love, of God’s wisdom, of compassion… they are bedrock, they are unfailing seats of refuge, they are Arunachala.

There is SO MUCH FEAR IN THE WORLD. We are afraid of EVERYTHING. My goodness…

You shouldn’t have to go through life scared, with that awful feeling that everything is a minor emergency of some sort, and that you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Such is not your natural state. You should be able to feel relaxed, at ease…. Everything will work out, have faith that everything will work out. God, who loves you more than and better than anyone, is looking out after your affairs. Relax, relax, relax into your own Being. Then the eternal verities, the truths, become readily apparent. You begin to SEE love and wisdom inside of yourself. Once you know who you are, then nothing can bring sorrow or hurt you. All doubt is gone and only peace remains. All is good and only peace reamins. The peace which passeth understanding.

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